The Ugly Side of My High-Functioning Autism
We are not the problem.
Life isn’t easy.
Especially if the world around you was designed for people that are opposite of what you are. Most people don’t know how to handle uncomfortable situations.
Autistic people might seem like they’re all fine in social situations because they’ve taught themselves the skill called masking, but they’re not — especially autistic women are suffering from our overly social society.
In my life, I’ve dealt with this too.
It’s not always fun being the quiet kid and it’s not shyness, know that there is a difference between shy people and autistic people. It’s a broad spectrum and introversion is somewhere in between.
You can see that I’ve put myself in the middle of this graph. I’m in between being extraverted, around people I trust, and introverted around the rest of the world.
On the other side of the graph, you can see the “Autism spectrum”. Again, I’ve put myself in the middle of it because of the fact that I’m not your typical autistic boy that they love to portray in documentaries.
But there are some things that just stay difficult: making new connections, talking on the phone and so many other social activities.
Quit the stereotypes
There are just too many people hanging on to stereotypes like in the documentary by Louis Theroux.
I’ve never talked about being autistic to anyone outside my family and girlfriend. It’s just something that doesn’t happen. The moment they know you’re autistic, they’re having all kinds of assumptions about you and I don’t want that.
Because they haven’t got a clue what being autistic for me is really like.
Not even the experts know this. We should stop calling them experts because they’ve got it all wrong. Sure, they know how brains work, autism isn’t a disease and can’t be fixed.
We’re differently wired. It’s possible to see differences on brain scans.
And because we’re so different from what a regular brain should look like, it’s impossible for others to understand us if they don’t talk to us. Many of the autistic people in the world are high functioning like me and can easily describe what they’re going through.
We can analyze every single bit of what we’re doing and in 99% of the cases we know exactly what a neurotypical human would do, and we want to. But we simply can’t.
Our brain is restricting us. Unwillingly.
Don’t overcomplicate things: add simplicity
In the world, there is so much support for groups that need it.
Old people are getting the care they need and deserve, like walkers and home care, adjusted houses, and more. What do autistic people get?
To get you started, try to avoid as much physical communication as possible. I hate calling on the phone for something that could be easily done by a simple form on a website.
Even sending a letter would be more satisfying for me.
Canceling my mobile phone subscription for example, why do I need to call the office of my provider to cancel my subscription — I can extend my contract within my account in the mobile app.
Why not a “cancel” button?
I know why. Because society is built for social people. Taking the phone is someone’s job.
But it’s not like adding the possibility of online cancelation reduces jobs or makes neurotypical people feel uncomfortable.
Self-scan checkouts are the perfect example of something that works for everyone.
It prevents a lot of stress and sweat
Please, leave us alone if we need it
There’s nothing more frustrating than people that tell us to “just be happy” or the worst one of all: “calm down”.
It enrages me.
You don’t tell blind people to “watch out” or anything, right?
Let me tell you this.
When autistic people leave the group or don’t talk anymore, they’re doing this with good reason and you should let them. It has nothing to do with you and you shouldn’t feel sorry.
There are just so many things and processes going on in our heads that sometimes need processing before being able to operate in a group again.
Final thoughts
You see, it isn’t much we need.
Often people think autistic people need a lot of care and attention while we just need understanding and a bit of time for ourselves.
Do not base your view of autistic people on studies of experts who are not autistic themselves but read stories of the people themselves and use them to inform yourself.
Read stories written by neurodivergent people, not about them.